The First Five Minutes
by RBCrazyFan
Summary: Because when he told her about those first five minutes when someone wakes up, she didn't believe him; now she wishes she had more time.


Disclaimer: Don't own Rookie Blue

A.N. When the interviews started coming out about Season 3, it was really obvious that Missy and Ben were referring to something incredibly dark. I wrote this without knowing which character it would be, but having a feeling that it would be one of three people. Once the episode aired, I just had to go back and add some details.

A.N.2 - I know that they had a discussion at the beginning of 3.09...but it kinda screwed my plans so I played with it a little.

(I would say "enjoy", but this is a darker fict.)

* * *

"For the first five minutes of every day, I forget that he's gone. Then I remember and I see him die…Tomorrow morning, for the first five minutes, your son will forget that you're gone."

~Petar Tomasic to Ed Lane; Flashpoint, Between Heartbeats

* * *

She woke with a smile on her face. She'd had a good dream, a dream about their baby. She couldn't wait to share it with him. She had a feeling he would smile, a true smile, and gently caress her stomach while he talked to their baby.

She stretched and sat up; disappointed that he wasn't in bed. Maybe it was her pregnancy brain, maybe she forgot that he was on night shift. Or maybe he was making her breakfast in bed.

She stretched again and then rubbed her eyes, clearing the last of the sleepy fog from her mind.

She looked at his side of the bed, it was made – he never made his side of the bed.

Then it hit her and a sob tore from her throat. He was gone, really, truly gone. Like, never going to meet his child gone.

She curled up in a protective ball around her stomach. The baby seemed to sense her discomfort and gave her a swift kick before settling down.

She thought back to a conversation they had shortly after they got together.

_Flashback_

"_Hey, you okay?" she asked as she placed a beer in front of him._

_He took a long pull before answering. "No. I hate death notifications, even though it is part of the job."_

"_Does anyone like them?" It was a rhetorical question but he still shot her a glare._

"_Wanna know the worst part? When they wake up tomorrow, they're going to have one moment where they're happy, then they'll remember that they're living their worst nightmare."_

_She scoffed._

_End Flashback_

He was right. The tears that fell from her eyes were silent, making twin lines down her cheeks. She didn't know what she was going to do without him.

She heard the pattering of footsteps and quickly wiped away her tears. As much as she and Dex did not get along, he had been wonderful about Leo since everything had gone down. He was giving her the time she needed to grieve and he understood that she needed Leo with her to help her cope.

As she waited for Leo to enter, she thought back to one of her last conversations with Jerry in the comfort of their own home. He had been excited when talking about the nursery, and now he would never know that she was carrying his child. Andy was the one who put it together, weeks after Jerry's death, when she realized that Traci was still puking at the same time every morning.

"Mommy?"

"Yeah little man?"

Leo pushed the door open. "Do I have to go to school today?"

Traci raised an eyebrow. "Why wouldn't you go to school?"

"I want to stay home with you and the baby."

Traci motioned for Leo to climb up next to her. Her son was extremely excited about the baby - he couldn't wait to be a big brother. "The baby's not going to be here for a few months Leo. I have to go to work today and you have to go to school."

"But -"

"No buts."

Leo placed his hand on his mother's stomach. The baby shifted and kicked Leo's hand, causing him to giggle. "But I told Jerry I would take care of you."

Traci sighed and willed herself not to cry in front of her son. It didn't surprise her that Jerry and Leo had a conversation, just like it didn't really surprise her to find out that he left everything to her in his will. It was Jerry's way of making sure she would be okay no matter what. "I'm going to work sweetie. Auntie Andy is going to be there and she'll take care of me if I need anything. Okay?"

"Can I call her to remind her?"

Traci nodded. "In the car. Now go get dressed."

Only when Leo left the room did she allow a few tears to escape. Jerry was right. The first moment of her day was always amazing, followed by the worst moment of her day, but if he couldn't be with her, at least she could have the first few minutes of her dream life every day.

* * *

A.N. Still reeling from the episode (and I actually knew Jerry was going to die), so I could see a few more one-shots this week.

Let me know what you think


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